to understand.

i have been searching for a lot of things in my life. i think one that i let take hold was a way to give back to the world; this is called generativity. my human development class taught me the traditional age for someone is somewhere in their 40-60’s. i started probably around age 14, after my mom died. so much got confused. even more got repressed. what came of that was this need. this desire. to be needed. to want to make things better. to give back. i’ve finally found it with ABA therapy. providing this service may not touch a billion lives, but the families i work with show me it is the most important career i can do for them. we strive each and every day to bring their kids back, and i’ll fight like hell because they need it. so thankfully. i found my passion.

what’s next? oh i guess that love thing i’ve been putting off? guess i’ll go ahead and attempt that.

this has not been easy, and i’m still learning an incredible amount. today i was astounded to be confronted with a meta-challenge for my life. my aunt told me, “honey, you’re learning how to feel feelings. they are overwhelming at times.” i never understood what others really went through because i’ve had this wall for so long, protecting myself from it all. and now i’m a flood of emotions. it’s the very definition of surreal, for the first time i’m awake.

i’m grateful my aunt is there to state the obvious. i bet that’s what my mom would have been doing.


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