fucking knew it.

beeks is claiming i didn’t know until after, but i fucking knew. they were practically dating already at the end of our relationship. i’m not sure how long they’ve been dating now, but i don’t fucking care. it makes no difference. the fact is that they are. the fact is that when it came down to it, he had already developed feelings for someone else. i know he didn’t recognize it. he’s oblivious to how he feels. and now. rebecca is the one to fucking tell me? are you serious? like i don’t even matter? like he didn’t sit there 2 weeks ago and tell me he wanted to be friends or whatever. how much of what i’ve shared with him does she know? probably all of it. he’s on the path to healing or whatever and she gets to be the one he tells everything to. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. and she was just so fucking into my dating life. and when i ask you what you’re doing, and you say nothing. that doesn’t mean nothing. i’m not a fucking idiot. i knew they were at least hooking up then. how could they not be? they were hanging out top to bottom every weekend. what the fuck. like he was just waiting for something better to come along. like i’m just fucking filler. is that all i am to people? the person who comes before someone that they actually care about? maybe that’s what he was trying to tell me last time he saw me. that he cared about me, that he didn’t want to hurt me more and that he knew he already would. what a fucking mess. no relationship is supposed to be easy to get out of. i’m an idiot for thinking that maybe it would be different with me. that maybe he wouldn’t date someone i knew directly after me. that he would move away before i had to witness it. i know it’s not really worth my time to think about in the end, but i’m human. i fucked something up royally for feelings i couldn’t explain. they are not the only answer. neither of them. they’re both out of my phone. i’m done with both. no one is coming crawling back into my life. not max. not nathan. not rebecca. she fucking knew what she was doing. and if anyone tries to tell me differently, they can go fuck themselves. she’s a snake, and he’s weak. and also a snake. go live in your snake pod and leave me the fuck alone.

i feel:
betrayed
baffled
angry
alone
jealous
bitter
red

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s