my best fucking friend

he is the family i chose.

i had a huge heart to heart with my best friend. he’s simply amazing. it’s unfair what he’s been through. the most beautiful of people i’ve ever known. i could try to tell people, but words and people can’t comprehend him.

he’s had an illness. it’s forever. i’m not sure what it means aside from the fact that the world will be robbed of the most practical, real, beautiful people i know too soon. and i’m not even talking about how self-righteously pretty he is. we talked about it all. that it was hard for him before to keep it from us, that he feels uncertain about burdening his friends with all of it, that he wants kids and that he may not be able to live to see them do things he wants to. we cried for hours to each other about anything that bubble up. it’s all intertwined. i can’t help him, but i would give him a kickstarter or charity rendition if it could.

it’s incredibly unfair considering, i’m a self-pitying, egotistical human. i know i need to turn outward and care more deeply for those that care so much about me. i can’t express the hours of love he’s shown me. he’s been so patient through all of my self indulgent bullshit.

after everything: i begged him to keep me in the loop. i told him about mom, and her death, that i couldn’t bear to not be a part of it again. that it’s not about protecting us, we already love him! you don’t get to decide that part. i love you, and you matter and if you keep me out again, it’ll be much harder for me to yell at you, but i’ll still try to yell at a grave.

he’s selfless when he’s faced with more complexities than i can imagine at our current age. and he handles them with grace.

he’s my family. i say this about few, but he’s absolutely wanted, needed, adored, loved and better words then i know how to say. i love you, andrew.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s