unsettlement

this is the worst feeling in the world to me. you don’t know where you fit. or what you belong to. or where you’re going. or what you actually want.

i know some of it is because of the drinking.

there’s a lot changing from day to day too. new people. new feelings. and the sense of home starts to get lost.

i felt that way in bali, after my now ex broke up with me. i was alone. on an island. and sick. on new years. what a royal fucking douche bag. i sat in my hotel room spiraling. yet the difficulty seemed to lie in not knowing where i wanted to be. i didn’t want to be back in portland. and i didn’t necessarily want to be in sydney. i wanted to be somewhere i couldn’t put my finger on.

that feeling was somewhat comforting though too. it meant i was letting go of america. it means that my life is still open for a course change. that i wasn’t and am not locked into anything. sometimes… i love that feeling. today is not that day.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s