11.10.14-11.11.14: your song

11.10.14: what shocked you? waking up with the most jovial disposition. i mean like birds were chirping in circles around my head! that was shocking. toady is a new day too, i’m so happy to be here. 11.11.14: what was the last lie you told? “he’s probably just dealing with stuff on his end and […]

external memory

in class we talk about external memory as a way to not have to keep the same thoughts circulating. that’s what i’m doing with this blog, i suppose. well, I’ve decided that neither of them is permitted to be in my life anymore. at first i was reluctant to let them know they’ve affected me, […]

too soon means nothing

everyone keeps saying maybe it was too soon to see each other. i don’t think so. i think it will never be enough time. i care too deeply for anything to not affect me. i was scared to see him to know that it was time to move on. i will. i know that. i […]


we went to lunch. i could feel the difference immediately. his discomfort was insurmountable. both of us quickened through and couldn’t really eat. we started walking. i asked if he wanted to talk now. i said how are you feeling, he said nothing. i said you want to break up. he said i think i […]

my words for today.

thank you for trying so hard to give me everything i need. i was blinded to all of it before and do now. i’m sorry for being selfish and only thinking of myself by not seeing what you were doing and not thinking of your needs as well. i want to feel safe in our […]

for the good of the weekend.

so.. as an apology for making me worry. nathan brought me a few i’m sorry things. 1) i’m sorry bagels. 2) i’m sorry cigarettes.(mainly for him) 3) i’m sorry but you’re going to be very relaxed on the beach pills. they worked! or namely, he worked. he started making jokes almost instantly about disappearing after […]

on pain.

sometimes pain is good. like when you’re working out, and it takes everything you’ve got to keep going because your muscles are being stretched and pulled repeatedly. you do this over and over again until one day, they don’t bother you so much. the pain is almost nonexistent. where did it go? that’s my question […]